We All Need Hobbies

I have a friend who likes to collect those silly little knickknacks you see in those quaint little bookstores. She has them on shelves in her apartment and always adds new figures to her collection at every special occasion.

I have another friend who likes to knit. The last time I saw her she was making a scarf for yet another friend. She has a collection of random, colorful yarns.

My hobby?
That's right - it's dating. I have a nice collection of little stories from my years of dating all the wrong men. I know they're the wrong men because I'm obviously no longer dating them. *smile*

As I returned home tonight after an interesting meeting I realized that I'm bored. While focusing on my career and trying to find work, I've let my dating options dry up. I have seriously neglected one of my favorite hobbies.

Now before you judge, consider the art of hobbies. Some people like to drink, some people like to collect objects, some people like to hike or follow some other activity. I like to date because it gives you the chance to meet someone new, go out for a night and have some decent conversation. You might not find the man or woman of your dreams, but there is a chance you'll at least find a friend out of the deal. At the least you've spent a few hours of your life chatting with someone new and if that's all it leads to, you get to cross that person off your list in your quest for a life mate.

Dating was once my hobby and then I had the crazy idea that I might want to settle down, so I forgot how fun dating can be. Oh, don't get me wrong, I also know that dating can be a pain in the ass depending on how difficult and awkward that date might become. The greatest part about this hobby... well, you get to choose when the hobby starts and stops. If the date is that bad you can always "phone a friend" and escape. (We've all done it!)

So while I've neglected my hobby, I'm planning on reviving it soon. Dating, after all, is the ultimate hobby.

Screw Meatloaf, I Need It All

Two out of three might not be bad for Meatloaf and his version of love, but that isn't going to work for me.
And wanting, needing, loving? Come on! I'm not even there yet. I'm still working on the right man at the right time.

This is how it works in my life. I find the right man - someone I actually have feelings for and the timing is off. He's not ready. I'm moving to another state. My life is too busy. His life is too busy. There is too much drama (trust me, this is a timing issue).

So the timing sucks every time I find what could be the right man.

This isn't even mentioning how difficult it is to find the right man. So what if the timing is right. So what if he's there when you need him, not there when you don't and for once your life is in order. Who fucking cares, if you don't actually have feelings for this man. You can date him for the next year and you still wouldn't care if he just stopped showing up one night. You might notice if he disappeared for a few weeks, but when it comes down to hard facts - he is not the right man, no matter how convenient the timing!

That is where I find myself. I find the right man at the wrong time and the wrong men at the right time.

One out of two just won't work in real life! I suppose, if I really had to step back and think about this situation like an adult, I might admit that if the right man doesn't come at the right time than he really isn't the right man.

I know there are movies like "Serendipity" and "When Harry Met Sally" that would disagree with me. These movies promote the theory that if you find the right person and the timing is wrong you just have to wait for a few years until the timing is right.

Movies lie.

And I can't, you can't, we can't, wait around for the right man to figure out whether it is the right time. We both have better things to do and when the right man comes along at the right time it will be amazing and wonderful and you'll forget about all those other "right men" who happened along at the wrong time.

I'd Rather Be Alone

I spent the majority of my day working in an office just off the beach - it's a beautiful office, but in some cruel twist of irony there is no beach view, just views of a cement wall. After working on some mind melting analytics I decided that it was about time I took a walk on the beach.

So I grabbed my keys and my cell and I headed towards the ocean. I stopped just short of the water and just stood there for a few minutes absorbing how amazingly beautiful it was. As I was standing there I had a brief conversation with a friend about some recent frustration in my life. You see, I want what I cannot have. But this time it is not simply because I can't have it - it's because for once I have a rational reason to want this. Yes, I speak in riddles on this subject.

While I am standing by the ocean, watching the sun set and waves crash on the sand I suddenly knew that I wanted someone to be there to enjoy that view with me. I wanted someone who wouldn't talk, who wouldn't even touch me, but someone who would just stand there and take it all in. Someone who understood how beautiful and relaxing that scene really was to me. My mind went through the possibilities - the men I've had in my life previously and the men who come and go now.

It's true.

I would rather stand on that beach alone, enjoy the sunset and the water alone, than be with the wrong man. I would rather go through life alone than spend time with someone I don't like or love. I would, however, like to eventually find that person... preferably with as little heartbreak as possible.

Catching Up

I was reminded today that it has been way too long since I updated this blog. Part of the reason has to do with my recent change in employment and part of it is because I've been so busy giving advice outside of the computer realm. Over the past two weeks I have had two friends get engaged which has played host to multiple problems. Oh, and then there is my own problem with temporarily forgetting how to talk to members of the opposite sex. Okay, okay... excuses aside - let's catch up.


So I get a phone call one morning and after the pleasantries are exchanged, my friend asks, "Can I tell you what's really bothering me?"
He then explains that he hasn't actually proposed to his girlfriend yet, but he has to very soon because the wedding has already been set for August. Apparently he'd been waiting for the perfect opportunity. The perfect opportunity included coordination by several different parties while keeping everything secret from his girlfriend and he was having some problems with that. The first piece of advice he got from me involved the ring - due to a glich in the computer systems he couldn't withdraw the money he needed to pay off the engagement ring. That was simple - get a temporary ring.
The next problem was a bit more complicated - his girlfriend accidentally read an e-mail ruining the surprise and broke down in tears because of it. When emotions are involved it's a lot more complicated to solve the problems. My friend had a lot of pressure to make sure this engagement was perfect and it did end well. I have to wonder though if the communication between him and his now fiance are open enough. If the engagement wasn't perfect in her eyes, would she have said no, or just spent months being angry with him?
Two days later another recently engaged friend called me with concerns about his relationship with his fiance. Apparently his fiance had been hiding a friendship with an ex from him. The only advice I could give was to either ignore it or just to talk to her about it. I'm still waiting to hear what decision he made - though from his silence I fear the worst.
What is the point of this post? Well, to catch up and to always remind you that communication is key in any relationship. If you can't talk to your other, it's never going to work. Trust me. *smile*